Webster, David & Alan Mitchell, circa 1960
Blah blah, Dad's birthday, blah blah, died too young, blah blah, conflicted histories, blah blah, sadness, blah blah. Anything I could write about my dad has already been written here before. I've woven his life into my narratives in relation to loss, parenting, humor, technology, and so much more. I won't belabor the point beyond acknowledging that he'd have been 90 today had he lived that long. But that's not likely to have happened even without the cancer. Whatever the case, he lives on in me and through me to this day. Speaking of this day, I dropped Lauren at the train station before returning home briefly and heading to the Forum for the 1st pass at participating in a Mental Fitness event. We had 11 people total. Frank led it wonderfully, and I was surprisingly comfortable and confident as an experienced meditation and "seeker of conscious awareness." I'm sure at least one of my friends would do a spit-take at the idea that I would play any role in "mental fitness," to which I will reply, "Before & After." :-P. I am quite confident at this point about being present, and the aspects of my role feel natural. This was a validation of the opportunity and my potential. I am inspired. When I got home, I took advantage of the 1-day delay of weekly trash pickup to gather the remaining leaves from the backyard, which was a meditative exercise in and of itself. I enjoyed it once I forced myself to start. I'm seeing a theme. I'm really grateful for my kid's individuality. For Lauren's honesty about her childhood experiences and really putting a voice to them, including noting my failure to have realized or recognized the struggles the dynamics were in the home. It's so hard to hear, harder not to defend, and hardest to say 'you're right' when she is. I joked the prior day about how most people learn to parent after making all their mistakes with the first kid, but with twins, you're out of luck. That's half funny and half admission. There'll be no next time but I'd welcome a do-over, as long as I still got to have them. Tommy's doing so well in so many areas: his job, employer, choices he's making about friends and priorities. It's wonderful to witness it coming about. Jen's having a wonderful time journalling now, in her own way, by hand on paper, and we share ideas and inspirations. She's going to see her parents tomorrow so I'll have the day to myself. Housebound too. ¯\_(γ)_/¯