Mindset: Relaxed frustration. I had a good sleep. 2 Dogs remain persistent alarm clocks forcing me up to silence their internal full-bladder & rumbling-belly alarm clocks. Consciously intentionally staying up, starting my day with morning sit. Pamela was correct about the habit and benefit of daily time focusing on the moment. It does make a difference that does bring lasting benefits with consistency. The irritation is with an underlying sense of disconnect and apathy regarding the rudderless drifting that each day becomes. Busy each day yet feeling little getting completed. Progress gets made but closure gets delayed.
Goals: Jen returns today. I want to clean the house well, bathe the dogs and ensure her return is to a comfortable space.
Anticipation: Miguel birthday dinner at Jikoji.
Wants: honestly? To regain the focus and control I had losing all that weight two years ago. It's slowly returning, inch by inch, and as aware as I am of my desire and even need to manage it, my actions are not achieving the results I want. Why? Jen's doing well and I'm not. What works for her isn't for me. She cuts corners as much as I do which is little. I have growing resentment around this and need to return to what works for me so I have the daily satisfaction and energy I need to get the momentum back.
