A butterfly at the nursery where we picked up plants for the front
A really broad and experiential day. Such a range of emotions too. I feel like I've come so far while not moving at all. I don't quite know how else to say it but I've grown yet remain constrained. I had an issue this morning having lost my 'murse' and knowing damned well it had to be in the house. 20 min of searching and it appeared behind a sofa cushion. I was so proud of not losing my patience or berating myself, but it was a consious effort to subdue a subconscious impulse. And it continued throughout the day with assorted situations of interruption and expectations to solve issues, mostly from myself. E dropped off the cat pillows to my mom, and she liked them. I fixed her duplicate amazon account issue. I attended to MetLife and EDD related needs with hopeful apparent success. Yet I was 'challenged' by the soap dispenser, the side gate, and other fixes that I took as interruptions nad inconveniences while missing the more subtle aspects of value and a sense of capability and dependability. Not everything that appears a burden, is. It's simple is what's happening. Tommy got his 3rd speeding ticket. I am hoping it resonates. DCG with geeks for dinner (Thank you Brian, so generous) was great. A really enjoyable night and hours of conversation. So much was said yet so much remains unspoken and there's scenarios at play that i'm watching from a BT;DT position but… I also lamented choices and will always wonder where 'the other road' would have ended. Would it be 'better' or just 'different'? Maybe less time analyzing and moire time being fully engaged is the better option. Anyway, decades of constant contact and connections have made this foursome a treasured experience. It's in some ways one of the most substantial influences of the past few decades. And I'm not just saying that because they're reading this. Once home, after giving the dogs a bit of left overs, Lauren called Jen about coordinating dinner tomorrow while Jen's up Sacramento way. Lauren called Jen, not me. Jen. We didn't talk at all. I love that. It's heartwarming that she has her own independent desire to connect with Jen. It's really one of the most rewarding aspects of all the conflict that came before on this path with them both finding an intimate rapport that's not about replacement, but completely independent and genuine. I'm so grateful for all of this. I have a draft to post elsewhere related to this, but, yeah, what a gift, for all of us. It's worth recognizing as if it's gone already, because it will be, so why behave otherwise?