MLIM - Leftoverture

Occasionally, a strong sense of "deja vu" arises for me. More often than not it's related to thoughts, not a physical location. I can forget things I learned and find myself repeating the course without recollection of doing so already. It's only when I receive the graded final back, with red notations highlighting what I got wrong, that I recall having been taught this before. 

Taught, then forgot. 

This morning, While sitting in silence and contemplating my mindset going into the day, a practice I am adding to my routine in an effort to keep my goals and aspirations in conscious thought, I recalled the song by "Kansas" called "The Wall." 

I came across this song in my late teens, in high school, after buying the album "Leftoverture." I did so for "Carry on Wayward Son", a song I loved (and which reminds me of the movie "Heroes," but that's another story). The album became a personal landmark. It still is. It's in the collection I recently rebuilt. It introduced me to their back catalog and future releases, but nothing ever replaced Leftoverture as my favorite.

As much as I enjoyed the full album, that second frack, "The Wall," registered on a much deeper level due to the poetic nature, insight and connection I felt to the lyrics and my own struggles with my place in the world.

I was, what, 16 or 17 at the time? I was coming of age, dating Holly, and trying to figure out who I was. These lyrics captured my sense of being lost, taking risks and struggling to find the confidence and strength within me to let go of fear and a need for acceptance over authenticity. 

I still recall the attachment I felt to the words, how I read them to Holly on a phone call and how, throughout my life, at points of transition or introspection, those words would return as a reminder, as encouragement that I have managed to get over the wall before, and I can again. 

I don't think I have forgotten the core lesson as much as I have routinely failed to recognize that walls are not unique or uncommon. They are environmental, a maze we navigate, perhaps only seeing them as such when we turn a corner and encounter a dead end.

Only this time, I recognize it from above.

Maybe I'm learning after all.

I'm woven in a fantasy, I can't believe the things I see
The path that I have chosen now has led me to a wall
And with each passing day I feel a little more like something dear was lost
It rises now before me, a dark and silent barrier between
All I am and all that I would ever want to be
It's just a travesty, towering, marking off the boundaries
My spirit would erase

To pass beyond is what I seek, I fear that I may be too weak
And those are few who've seen it through to glimplse the other side
The promised land is waiting like a maiden that is soon to be a bride
The moment is a masterpiece, the weight of indecision's in the air
It's standing there, the symbol and the sum of all that's me
It's just a travesty, towering, blocking out the light and blinding me
I want to see

Gold and diamonds cast a spell, it's not for me to know it well
The treasures that I seek are waiting on the other side
There's more that I can measure in the treasure of the love that I can find
And though it's always been with me
I must tear down the wall let it be
All I am, and all that I was ever meant to be, in harmony
Shining true and smiling back at all who wait to cross
There is no loss

This is one of many posts to come, fulfilling a long-held desire to document just what it is and/or was about a specific selection of music and a time in my life that resonates deeply within me to this day. I’ve always felt a strong connection to music over the decades, as I suspect most of us do, particularly how we each have select moments and memories that frequently align with select notes and chords. I’ll call this series “My Life, In Music."