I slept poorly. The dog in the middle simply does not work. So, getting up and out the door in order to go to Jikoji was hard enough that I almost gave in to the fatigue and crawled back under the covers. But I pushed myself up and out the door. Black Road worked well, and I arrived in time with a few minutes to spare. My sit was ok, but after two weeks of fragmented home efforts, It was not my best. But there were moments of success. I was happy to find Luke, Amanda, Charles, Miguel and Nick present. I felt welcomed, even missed during the past few weeks. That felt nice. When does feeling valued not? I helped with breakfast. I mindfully tried to listen actively. There is an interest in my helping update the website for event registrations and payment so I will help with that. I learned that Luke leaves tomorrow for Boulder. He and I had talked about my wanting him and Eric Fisher to meet. And I will be visiting Eric in Boulder at the end of April. How about that for synchronicity.' And to top it off, Charles introduced the idea that I might give a talk at an event in the near future about death, facing mortality and ensuring you have all of your affairs in order. That took me by surprise. I had forgotten having shared that aspiration. This would be a wonderful opportunity to lean into and work towards a personal goal. Less talk, more action. I returned back down via Highway 9, which it turns out is open after all. Apple maps suck for current info, although, to be fair, Caltrans itself indicated closures too, so… follow the source of the source. Jen is still upset about Adam's move. I tried to point out the waste of energy, the possible good, the fact that nothing is permanent and more... But I do understand how easy trap hindsight with second-guessing can be. I am still in SDI limbo, coming up on a full month of no payments since 3/7. WTF? I was proud of my patience in dealing with the inability to get thru on a call (and using commas to create a one-tap dialing option for easier attempts). I may abandon the effort tomorrow when I go visit Lauren, but I will need to resume Thursday. I think so much of this was screwed up with the change of dates, and I don't have a lot of faith that I will get any of this feed easily. It's frustrating, and I could make myself sick by personalizing or second-guessing how I might have avoided this had I known then what I know now. Sound familiar? Life. :-/
