I started my morning in a funk. Tired, having woken a few times concerned about where Tommy was or had been until 2:30 am. I plan to talk to him as soon as I can about our agreement that he let us know when he's out past midnight that he will be so we can adjust our expectations. And to try to be quiet. And oh, yeah, to keep the bathroom clean, for fuck's sake. It's all we ask. My mood lessened as my daily routine validated a maintained stall to reduce my weight. Months of no significant progress become a true hotpoint. It's reminiscent of years of being stuck and complaining yet not getting as focused and aggressive as necessary, and that's where I seem to be again. OverallI felt quite depressed most of the morning. I have a lot of anxiety about returning to work at month-end and concerns about the remainder of the year and the unknowns. All that being said, this feels like back-sliding. Everything is unknown. Nothing is guaranteed, and all of my reading and embracing of Zen and Stoic philosophy failed to beat the blues to the front of my thoughts. I'm not alone, though, and I'm feeling better already, having revisited some of the reminders that whatever may come of the year ahead, unless it kills me, won't kill me if you know what I mean. Jen and I went to Chromatic on Lincoln. I was incredibly impressed by how cool the building is, but the cold interior and lack of wifi made for a mediocre experience. I'll stick to the local Starbucks simply for ease and options. I am getting too comfortable not working and am concerned that my return to work may not be smooth. That is another area without guarantees. I finally made a minor adjustment to the string lights on the patio (raised slightly) and moved the "bug zapper ' 'to the other side of the house, hoping it would draw bugs away and is not causing Scottie always to flinch and run inside. Ten went out with my mom even though her power was back on. To share her (Jen's) homemade tomato soup and a bottle of Cass Rose. I stayed back to manage the dogs and do virtual GNO. It was great as always, but BL wasn't on the call, and we're all hoping things are going well with his father, who's sadly facing a downward trend with his heath and it's not looking good. It's another reminder of our mortality.
