It's Christmas Eve. Lauren and Jen are playing Skipbo after we took a drive through Los Gatos, Monte Sereno and Saratoga, looking at house lights with the dogs. They're exhausted. My heart is full and empty at the same time. Tommy's not here, we're not talking, and the confrontation about the BB guns set a tone that has compromised the holiday. Even driving tonight, it was painful to realize that there's such tension and animosity that we can't even be together on the holiday. Lauren and I had a pleasant day going to Grandma's and running errands. I have a lot to be grateful for, but I'm sad about the circumstances that have played out.