Living Our Best Life Lessons

I'm on the 541 southbound from Sacramento after spending the past three days and two nights with Lauren as she starts her college years. Her home remains our home on Panorama; her room remains her room; her dog remains her dog. They're all just there, waiting for her anticipated returns over the next few years. And with such things as FaceTime, we will be able to stay in close contact and maintain the close connection I have grown to rely on as one of the most reliable aspects of my adult life. She's starting a new segment of her life, living apart yet close enough that weekend visits are just a few hour's drive or train ride away.



So why am I struggling to maintain composure from the upper deck of car one as the massive diesel engine in front of me drags me further and further away from her? Likely because the paragraph above feels like a collection of delusional rationalizations.

I don't believe anything will ever break our bond for a second. But, her life is about to take her places now that I won't be a part of it. This isn't a new phenomenon; it's been happening over the past year or more as she's become more independent. She's spent time working, going places with friends and basically "living her best life." But she was always home each night and there each morning.



I sincerely want this for her. I am excited for her to start this next phase in her life. I would not want her playing it safe by staying home and going to a community college simply because that is not what SHE wanted to do. Yes, was she staying home like Tommy is for a year or two, I would be ok with that because her presence has been a joy. But the choice she's making is one of intention. Had her mom not passed away so young, Lauren would have likely not left due to nothing more than a sense of obligation and responsibility. She's made the right choice for her, and I will defend that wholeheartedly, even though there's an emptiness her absence will leave in our home.



I held her hand the day she was born as she lay in the ICU being monitored for breathing issues. Actually, it was her tiny hand grabbing my index finger. I held her close as she screamed after awakening from her 1st eye surgery and ensured I was there when she awoke from her spine operation. I did my best to learn patience and humility throughout the years as she became more astute and intuitive. I tried to impart confidence, humor, and that singing need not be in the right key to be fun. Water parks, snow trips, Pine Mountain Lake trips, Hamilton (several times), mountain drives, and our Vegas trip only scratch the surfaces of the shared experiences I treasure. Let alone our supporting each other through her mother's diagnosis, care, and passing. I think I took way too much for granted and never paid as much attention to the passing moments as I now wish I had. She is as responsible for the man I am today as I am for the young lady she is as well. I could not be more proud. I could not be more grateful to have spent the past 19 years being her parent. I never knew I could love this deeply. I hope I live long enough to continue recognizing and appreciating every moment we have yet to share.

I'm gonna watch you shine

Gonna watch you grow

Gonna paint a sign

So you always know

As long as one and one is two

There could never be a father

Love his daughter more than I love you

"Father and Daughter" - Paul Simon