Noah's Rocks
Oh it certainly has been a pretty eventful couple of days. I groggily spent the entire day today in Panorama while they did the first steps for the crawlspace moisture barrier. I barely slept last night because I spent the night tossing and turning and getting up and doing a lot of research related to something that my son shared with me late last night after an aggressive explosion of anger and resentment and distain for treatment over the last few years. That of course was directed at him from me. I took off to cool down and he followed. We ended up having a seemingly honest conversation. There's so much involved. I can't even begin to document it here. There's a lot going on for him, a few decisions made he regrets and desires to do over. The whole situation boils down to years of bad parenting and poor communication. I blame her, I blame myself (relentlessly), and I blame him to a good degree because he simply knows better. However at his age, with so much insecurity in his home life, tensions make temptations more persuasive. He and I have a lot to work through as we rebuild our trust and come to some new agreements in a new manner and with a new understanding. We can't go back but we can move forward. I can throw a rock in any direction and strike a contributor to the overwhelm this kid must be feeling but I have hope the ashes bring forth a phoenix as he transitions into adulthood and hopefully off to school. Lauren got excepted to and seems to be pretty much fixated on San Diego State University. I'm thrilled for her. It will be far but it'll be good for her hopefully Tommy will follow his options to continued education or if not, a desired career path. I hope to discuss that more with him this week. I had a good intake conversation with Kate, the counselor who is unfortunately based in San Francisco but seems to be well-suited to the need I have for Tommy to get some guidance and direction. I'm thinking that if we make the journey up there to meet with her for an hour we can take advantage of the timing and get some lobster mash while we're there :-). I visited Linda tonight after dropping her at work and was apalled to find that she was sound asleep in an empty room with no food tray and no nurse but a mouth full of food. It's absurd that they continue to wake her to feed her and even try to feed her when she doesn't wake. I notified Kathy and she notified them and I will talk to the doctor on Thursday as well but we are pretty much setting the mandate out at this point that if she's not awake just let her keep sleeping. I know they mean well but they're also just stuck in a routine and mindset. As I walked outside it was a really nice evening. I heard crickets and saw a full moon and soft clouds and just really felt alive. On the web at the very last moment before turning on my street to go home I decided to go instead to the Boy Scouts Court of honor that was underway in Los Gatos. Tommy had sent me a message after an earlier argument saying that he just wanted to give me a hug and go for a mountain drive. So I surprised him by showing up and we did just that. He drove back and he drove like a maniac but I'm guilty of having set the baseline. And they pretty much knew he had control but I think it was an opportunity for him to show that he had taken the pebble from my hand, so to speak. At one point while I was driving and we stopped at an intersection I looked up and saw the same full moon and scattered white clouds and a couple of planets and just looked at him and said "we're alive". It's a thought I felt as I walked from Linda's hospice facility earlier and I wanted to share it with him. He sort of shook his head and looked at me like I was crazy and I continue driving. But I know that moment at all those prior drives will resonate deeply one day for him as some of his finest memories of this time we have shared. I dropped him back of his car and went straight to pick up Lauren before heading back home to end this day "with my wife and my dog". I'll hopefully have a far better sleep tonight than I had last night. He might too.
📊 seven-day averages: ⚖️ 159.2 lbs,❤️ 65.4 bpm, 👣 6707.4 steps, 🧘🏼19 min, 🛌 5h:34m
