Getting up at 5.55 am, or at least allowing the 'SAD" light to gradually illuminate the room in tandem with the 6 am introduction of chirping birds in unison, had me up by 6.15. I'm not a fan and long to linger, but I'm sticking to it because by 8 am, it's worth it. That extra time is welcome. It's just hard getting up in a bright room with darkness outside. Maybe closing the blinds would help? My daily "Calm" meditations were about perspective and presence – the classic "blind men and an elephant" parable and a practice focused on a single object's existence, origin, resistance, etc. Ultimately the latter is a trigger to walk mindful of everything around you being, well, just 'there.' It's powerful and pretty mind-blowing to consider all of your surroundings. It makes me recall a conversation with Thew about set design in a film and how everything's consciously chosen and put in place on purpose. In life, the presence of everything as we walk the dog, for example, from the home, lawn, sidewalk, street, landscaping, drains, trees, birds, clouds, etc, is all 'there' and warrants consious recognition. It quickly gets dense to be considering the "presence" of everything we otherwise think of as "set design" in our own independent experiences, including all the "extras" walking their dogs and experiencing everything from their perspective. Including us being 'extras', too. I started our walk with this awareness, but the routine kicked in, and I stopped paying attention at that level. I worked from Panorama for the AM and was busy enough to stay well focused and reasonably productive. I gathered more things to read and called and collaborated with Kathy on some tasks in flight. I'm still struggling with the reality of her death. It's a conflict of intention and ability. I'm trapped in the reflection on life, on journals that reflect insights and insecurity akin to my own, yet belonging to the person I had a 15+ year bond to while missing the insights I am gaining only now. Would it have mattered? Her sister says no. Given that they had as much if not more time to influence a conscious awareness and change in her perspectives that would have otherwise taken her on a path to far greater happiness and far less angst and depression that she otherwise endured. They could not achieve it, which makes it somewhat ludicrous to imagine I might somehow have had a chance to succeed where so many others failed. Yet innately, I can't help but wonder if it was within my grasp and abilities. If I was 'the one,' that could have made a substantial difference. There are 15+ years of vivid real valid examples of how that is absurd. Still, it's a haunting refrain. Matt met us for dinner at Opa, where we enjoyed two bottles of Biale (a 2017 "Stagecoach Vineyard" Zin and a "Black Chicken" Matt brought) and appetizers as we just talked and laughed and enjoyed connecting. I'm so grateful to have had this friendship for 43+ years, and as we age, the history is as rich as the reward of having it. I'm hoping Jen and I can coordinate on the upcoming fall trip to Washington. It's time to start balancing life and work as family transitions and the kids go off to college. I walked through and booked one of Tommy and Karl's diving trips for Honolulu and if he can convince the rental car rep to let him be on the rental agreement at no cost to me, it'll make my trip all the more chill. That's an appealing option. As is the conversations with Jen about returning to Sac once the kids are in college which, if I rented Panorama, could be a great "Plan B". TBD.