Perhaps this is more accurately seen as the final chapter of a volume in the series of each of our lives. But this was far more than a chapter for Linda. It was the conclusion of a series of chapter-filled volumes. It was the literal end of her story. The end of her life.
I’m feeling profoundly aware of and even disoriented by this moment. Similar to how I have felt closing the back cover of a book I became consumed by. Comprehending that final sentence, the vast breadth of the whole body of work and all I experienced reading and following along with the story until the last page was an empty one. I’ve done this many times reading engrossing and impactful books. Along with that reflection and my deep appreciation for the journey, there’s been a silent pause that follows. A sense of completion, closure, reflection, gratitude, and awe.
And then, a poignant stillness as the finality settles in before the next thought tends to be “…now what?”
Lauren shared a bit more tonight than usual about her feelings around her mom's passing. I believe she's starting to put it into context, reflecting on how she won't share another Thanksgiving with her or know her grandchildren. I acknowledged that, along with not seeing her driving, a graduation on the horizon, college. All of it. I reminded her that her mom will always be a part of each of us, and we will carry her memories forward and incorporate all of the positives she had into our futures. I shared this analogy of her mom's final chapter while each of our own books are still being written.
Our children's own volumes are under way. They are already writing the preface as they come into their independance and early adulthood, about to transition from high school into their college years.
I intend to apply the lessons I’ve learned from this “chapter”, the experience of this past year, to the year ahead and beyond. To stop letting inconsequential inconveniences get the best of me. To maintain healthy relationships and positive habits that move me towards goals and successes. To be honest in who I am and how I want to be while not caring about what somebody else might think. To being more genuine, removing judgment, withholding negativity, listening more, and taking a hell of a lot less. To appreciate the nuances of every little moment that makes up an otherwise mundane day. To live with conscious continued gratitude to be living at all.
My next chapter awaits.