Pride of Ownership (1st wash) / Hammer Time (final straw)
Highlights: Lauren got her registration done and drivers test scheduled within an hour or so of my dropping her at the DMV Tuesday AM. I was stunned it went so quickly. She washed her car that day, too. Her "door lights" arrived but one was faulty. I got oddly nauseous and dizzy lying down and trying to install them. That was a bit odd. Tommy stayed at Pajaro and returned last night and was in a generally good mood. Things tanked today though, at Panorama, after he did an amazing job with cleaning his room out and started taking out the closets. Long story short we clashed big-time. I don't think he fully realizes how high conflict his demeanor can be and it's a trigger for anybody on the receiving end, whch was his mom and now is me. I had hoped his mom's fate and his realizations might have made an impact but they did not. My own intollerance is as much to blame but it's also simply not reasonable to be expected to take such verbal dismissive condescening abuse and not get upset. The walls of the house and work are closing in tight. It's straining my marriage, my sanity, my outlook. I spend 20 min meditating in the morning gaining as balanced a perspective as possible only to be tripped up and tipped over by a reflex of incredulity. It's hard to accept that I'm simply never going to have the connection I long for, nor will he to be honest, during our lifetimes. But I'd never have treated my parents as horribly as he feels entited to treat me. All due to a pattern set by the example they saw growing up, including how I was portrayed. I harp on this a lot as it's a massive challenge.
📊 seven-day averages: ⚖️ 160 lbs,❤️ 59.9 bpm, 👣 6336.8 steps, 🧘🏼13 min, 🛌 5h:37m