Work was good, Tempo call went well and I should have more details tomorrow to consider over the weekend. The kids and I went to see Linda and I was fighting back the tears at one point after watching each of them taking turns feeding her and watching how very distant and uncommunicative she has become. The harsh, hard reality is becoming unbearable to witness. It's awful. She barely made any eye contact, the only response we got during the entire visit was a single head nod and one grunt in response to a question. Just blank stares the rest of the time. The kids are starting to show signs of upset in different ways - sadness and anger. She looked so lost, so sad, so incapacitated, and so resigned. I have no idea what's actually going on in her head but if she's at all conscious and aware of her surroundings and circumstances then it is indeed her worst nightmare, as it would be mine. There's nothing I can do to change this and some timely meditations came my way tonight through happenstances touching on that very concept. Stoicism. Mindfulness about what we can't change and the futility of suffering instead of accepting. That's a tall order when you're a highly sensitive person and empathy is core to your nature. I really have only two possible options: turn away or face this head on and out of honor and integrity only one of those options is the acceptable course for me. I started this path almost 8 months ago with a conscious intention to be engaged and involved in every possible aspect of what's playing out for her. I can't express how very challenging that is becoming with her recent decline. And I have increasing anxiety that the weeks to come may bring even more truly heartbreaking scenarios and possible suffering too. But I will see this through.
Goals_Anticipation: Lunch with Marlin tomorrow and hopefully some frank dialog about 2022 and growth potential.
Gratitude: I'm having good success with my effort to maintain my weight and I'm grateful I have kept that focus.
Health: Weight: 159.4 (-0.6) 7d avg: 159.475 (+0.2) | Steps: 5300 | Heart Rate: 63
Actions: Mediation Presence Gratitude Action Family
