"Fire On High"
Highlight(s): Here I go again, reflecting on all that happens in a given day and how much can and does go on that escapes conscious recognition or memory. But it's proving to be true all the same. I routinely start the day feeling like it's, well, routine, and at the end, I'm taken aback by all that did happen in what amounts to 17 hours. I didn't walk with Lauren this morning which afforded me more time to wake gradually, consciously, and mindfully, coming out of a deep sleep, stretching a bit, lingering, and waiting to get up at my own pace and not out of concern about the clock. I tested and refined my 'shortcut' for capturing health stats, enjoying the challenge and accomplishment of capturing redundant entries and prompting me with the stats. It brings back good memories of coding. I carved some excess candle wax away from the rectangular evergreen candle so it'd burn more evenly and lit it on the shelf behind the couch. Meditation was good, focused on being as compassionate to yourself as you'd be to others. That's a massive struggle for me, and it was a timely reminder. I paused for a moment in the kitchen and reflected on the bright red lipstick on the lid of Jen's Starbucks cup from our Christmas lights outing last night. I thought about how important she is to me and how difficult it would be or even will be to ever lose her. I find it annoying that she left it in the sink and not the trash, but I also know that I'll desperately long for the same irritant should a time come where it'll never happen again. Suddenly, it's not such an irritant after all. Perspective. I went about my morning, participated in the daily standup even though half the team was off for the day. It was pouring rain this morning, and I was literally "Standing in the Rain" (in our screen-enclosed patio) listening to ELO's "Concerto for a Rainy Day," a ritual for me on such occasions. I was utterly and wonderfully immersed in the music. After the meeting ended, I went to SRC to see Linda, worked from her room, and Kelly joined me for a while as well. I talked to Janeth about the history around getting her up/out or not, and it all makes sense. It was good to sit with her and talk awhile, and she seemed to be more present and aware than usual while still not saying much. But her eyes and nods were enough to communicate understanding. I talked to her about talking more and that she had to try and work on improving her communications. She asked, "is it getting better?" and I replied, "Your speaking? Absolutely, its gotten much better," while wondering if she meant that or just her whole circumstance. It's still profoundly heartbreaking to watch her have come to this point in only ten months and to see glimpses of understanding, fear, and upset in her gaze from time to time. I left after about an hour with plans to return tomorrow with the kids for Christmas Eve. I made more calls about getting a means of transport for Monday, but that's not panning out well. I only have tomorrow to get it arranged likely. I'm considering just taking my CRV if we could get her into and out of it safely, but that's dicey at this stage. I stopped briefly at Pano to put the trash out, returned home, and resumed work. Tommy had taken off, and I sat in the back room with Jen to work together when I suddenly smelled something burning. I asked if she smelled it, and I went into the kitchen and dining room and smelled it stronger. As I turned the corner and into the living room, the smoke alarms sounded in unison with my discovery of the living room couch and wall catching fire. That candle I stupidly set where I set it was forgotten and burned through to the point of setting the wooden shelf and wall ablaze. Keeping with the earlier ELO theme, this was a "Fire on High" moment. I went into shock and action. With Jen's help, we quickly put it out. Had we not been there, the house would be gone. The dogs might have died too, horribly. I am still in shock and so angry with myself for having been reckless in where I put it and having left it alone at all. That will never happen again. The damage is only surface. The wall was singed and needs resurfacing. I'll also need to build another sofar shelf. All that matters is that nobody was hurt, and we could contain it. That shook me up, though. I'd intended to call and talk to Kathy, but I emailed her instead about the "trust" proposal she put forth. I hope to get some feedback and perhaps talk tomorrow or over the weekend. We ended our night having dinner at Dry Creek Grill with our neighbors Dom and Mary, something we've wanted to do for some time as we are all fans of the place. We took and emptied a 2017 Martin Ranch Sangiovese, and it was just perfect for our meal of Brussel Spouts, Deviled Eggs, Buratta, Cornbread, and steaks. I think I'll need to focus on some restraint tomorrow to get ready to feast again on Saturday, Christmas day.
Accomplishment(s): I guess the one thing I can point to is having responded quickly to address the mini fire, but then again, it was my fault, so I'm not sure that's a true "accomplishment."
Gratitude: Having been home and kept what could have been a more significant issue from becoming one.
Goal(s): Work tomorrow on getting more things sorted out at Panorama.
Anticipation: A Christmas visit with both kids to see their mom and carry out the "cookies for Santa" ritual.
Health:Weight: 162.6 (1d: -1.4, 1w: -2) | Steps: 6844 | Avg Heart Rate: 75
Habits: Mediation Presence Gratitude Friendship Family