I took the day off today, so I'd be free to attend part one of two consecutive 4-hr sessions as I progress in the EOL facilitator training. Honestly, I'd lost some steam and was hoping this would reinvigorate me. It did. I came away feeling reminded about why this matters to me and how my inclinations got me to this point. The morning, though, did begin well, with time to walk with Lauren and walk the dog before that training began. After the conclusion of part one, I went to Panorama and met a buyer for Linda's bike. I gave the money to the kids and recorded it in an online log I keep, so it's documented. I called and discussed a few 'in advance' topics with Kathy D and visited Linda at SRC. She was, as she has been, moderately responsive and more accessible without the heavier medications. I returned home and caught up on some classwork in advance of tomorrow's follow-up session.
All that being said, most of my day was spent reflecting on my friend's follow-up from our text exchange last night regarding the non-response of her estranged husband for over a week. She shared the bad news that she had called the police for a "wellness check" on him last night and that the coroner's office called her this morning. They found him dead, in his bed. She said she's "broken." I can only imagine—what a tragedy, and what a waste. Unlike terminal brain cancer, this was ultimately a self-inflicted wound. I'm so sad for her and her kids. I'm angry too, at him, at another friend needing intervention, and at a colleague that's dancing around this precarious ledge as well. I have cut back entirely on drinking anything but a bit of wine with a meal. And after this, I am done drinking hard liquor. It's poison. Like sugar, smoking, and the medical systems management of terminal patients, it is all about profiting from the suffering and knowingly capitalizing on weakness and addiction. The image on this post is of a card I picked up for Jen yesterday to accompany a baby shower gift. I thought of it last night when I learned about her husband's failure to connect with their kids, and I don't understand how one can't make and maintain that conscious connection. But I've never been an alcoholic, and clearly, something significant changed for him over the many years since we lost touch. What has happened to my friend mirrors what my cousin and her daughters endured, right down to their father's death. All three of these people brought something positive into my life. I often wonder if people knew more readily how they had a positive influence on others even in passing, would they be less inclined to slip into such 'darker realms'? Sigh.
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