I slept a bit better but not well enough. I thought I might start walking with Lauren to school in the mornings. If she's going to walk, I might as well go along and get some steps in too. For now, today, I just went .5m and turned around. Maybe I'll do more, we'll see. I'm pretty frustrated with both kids right now and I'm resenting their mother for the seriously fucked up damage she's done to them. Lauren's closet at panorama is a mirror of the clusterfuck that is Linda's and her closet at Matson is constantly competing for the same recognition. Tommy continues to be an argumentative fuck about everything from giving me some space for critics meeting to, get this, not putting a huge fucking half-each pizza crust in the fucking toilet. WTF? And Lauren for the 3rd time in 2 weeks left her backpack with food in it and this time it was a chocolate cookie and lucky ate the whole thing. They are pigs, they never consider the possibility of their action or inaction to avoid things like the dog dying from eating chocolate or the cost of a plumber to mange a pizza dough clog and backup. Tommy treats me like shit. Seriously dude, whenever you grown up and read this, know that you were and at this point are a fucking awful person to live with. Maybe someday you'll look back and realize it and feel a pang of regret but more likely you'll just say I was a jerk to live with and had unrealistic expectations. Of course his and now her language and mouth are likely blamable on me. I rallied hard over the whole 'chocolate cookie' incident because it all fall on me. Like everything her mom ever did too, or needed done, fell on me to fix or let fail. They might have learned to swear or be short fused from me but my short fuse was and is again from living in an environment of chaos, neglect, disregard and inconsideration. As far as Linda goes I didn't go today. I don't know if I'll go tomorrow either. It's getting harder every day to have any desire to see her getting worse. Shit I just remembered I am meeting her doctor at 9am so I guess I'm going. It's ironic that I'm so conflicted and angry and even resentful when I also took the call this am to interview for an get the chance to become an 'end of life plan facilitor' with before I go solutions. It's something I feel passionate about and this opportunity can give me some learning, insight, and possible opportunity to build out a sideline effort doing something I know will be rewarding. I also got my CRV back and it's working great again. Between buying my own part and getting the labor coordinated I saved myself 50% of what the dealer was going to charge me. New battery and cables feels good and I'm going to add a routine to keep them maintained well. I posted and gave way the cookbooks from the panorama pantry. I really should do before/after photos. It's dramatic and would be a good defense is anybody [kathy V] starts inserting themselves into my efforts to clear and clean that pigsty out. It's still so hard to be there but I and pressing through. I found what are likely 1000's of her photos spanning her life in boxes and I'm going to sort them this weekend and send them for scanning with a quick turnaround date so they're available for anything kathy wants to do for her and the kids will have them too. These things matter to me because I know what it's like to not have access to my own parents history and then eventually to get bits and pieces. I wish we had a better compilation of our family history. Maybe Jeri will pick that up? I'll have to ask her.