This Tortilla has been on a neighbor's lawn for over a week
It's Thursday, right? Thursday. Shit, it's all a blur. Not the week, the day. I've said it before; taking the time at the end of each day to capture what occurred really makes one realize how much goes on with a 16 hour window. I don't remember much about the morning beyond taking time to mediate for 10min and then gathering things to head out the door in order to drop Lauren at a Panorama neighbors to feed their dogs. She walked to school from there, I took care of a few things at Panorama and headed to SRC to meet with Dr Silva. It was early, things were calm at the front desk, and I got to spend time with Linda before and after. She underwent a 'changing', they were patient and gentle with her but she wailed loudly during it. I've found she can respond to things like "do you want some milk" with "I do not like milk", but I still struggle to have conversations behind single sentence responses.I can only get responses to simple 'real time' question like the above. When I ask her things like what her favorite food or restaurant is, or what things she loves the smell of (I put a Verbena infusion oil fragrance in her room) she doesn't reply at all. Same now with questions like "where did you grow up" and "what hospital were the kids born at". The meeting with the Dr and Kathy went as well as anything about this might go. Kathy and I concur that we don't want thing to drag out and have her suffer. Meds are being increased. We also concur she's too far gone to comprehend and retain and confront her situation. I've really been vocalizing things to her about this but it either does not register or does not stick. I also talked with Kim from hospice and shared our desire to ensure she avoids suffering. The whole thing remains a nightmare and yet something has changed for me. I think it's just that I'm more resolved to and accepting of the hard reality. It's taken 6 long months. Maybe it's temporary. My empathy and compassion and sadness for any suffering remain intact, maybe it's hope that has gone. I was stunned to listen to voicemails less than two months back and hear her saying full paragraphs with inflection. What a shock. I returned to Matson, worked and enjoyed time with Jen then went to Pano to continue working on the garage. I am almost to the far left corner. This is a big task. But any progress feels good. I talked to Tom, the neighbor, about his impending move. His house is a craftsman and it's a very unique home. It'll be interesting to see who buys it. My CRV wouldn't start. I jumped it, turned it off and it would not start again. I took the Pilot and let Kathy know. I stopped at Marks, dropped the echo dot off and he offered to help me replace the battery cable that's likely corroded. He shared a positive comment a neighbor made about me which was really nice to hear. I'll have to watch some YouTube videos. I returned to Matson, walked Scottie with Jen and took off for dinner with the geeks while Tommy got Lauren. Brian bailed last minute due to home issues and safety concerns. Been there, done that, 'nuff said. Really enjoyed the conversation and food. Stuck aggressively to my PSMF plan. Jess mentioned wanting to sell a set of AirPod Pros, and I'd been chatting with JS about buying a pair since the kids had one pod each. Worked out great. Got cheesecake and a cookie from the bakery to take home, went to Jess's and returned home with them. Lauren was very grateful and liked the foam tip options too. Good timing. Closed the day with the usual routine of prep and maintenance.