Woke up feeling like I wanted a change. Something dramatic. The thing is, that's already happening. Job in limbo, ex-wife/kids mom having brain cancer. My own mom aging rapidly as well. Tensions w/my son. Financial worries. WTF can change without adding more drama and complications. In one sense that change could come from bailing on all of this mess but that's most certainly not in the cards. If anything I'd like my slimmer body back, my meditation routine back, and my focus on minimalism including what I take on, back. This is why I journal, though… to think out loud and remind myself. As for today the AM was spent wrestling with internet outage that magically resolved itself 1hr before tech arrival. OK… coincidence? Also my stary arrived and I'm impressed so far. Work was moderate.Spent a lot more time w/Linda than expected and glad I was able to. Last night she said I was the best ex hustand in the world and tonight we (Jen, Lauren) were talking about how I've long hoped we'd not exit this life at odds and now that's coming true. But far earlier than desired. That being said at one point during the day, whichi included me taking her from SRC to Radiation and back, I wanted to say "…and we're back at square one" when it came to the typical routine of my desire to press for goals and action and her' not wanting to feel pressure. I said "those that pressure you are trying to get you across a finish line". In 1 sense that was about the enablers in her life who simply echo and empathize. The acknowledgement of my efforts has been rewarding and yet I'm aggressively conscious of making these efforts not simply to feel like I took the high road, but because I really do sincerely want what's left of her life to be spent feeling positive and valued. Bought a CL modem for SRC use, will install tomorrow. Jen Lauren I got Aqui to go. Swirls for the adults. Watched S4E1 of HMT (PIG). Whatever. Background noise.
