I managed to drag myself out of bed early, which I'm proud of, but I was groggy. Still, for me, the practice of meditation works best before my mind fully engages with chaotic random abstract parallel thoughts. It's helpful to get right to it before looking at any emails, calendars, or listing to news or podcasts. I'm still using the "Calm" app and there's a 2nd daily meditation now that's really been great. I'm doing both. The first is a bit more of a soft gradual soft-spoken wakeup while the 2nd is more 'alert', a bit more casual, lightly comical at times, and direct. It's doubled my AM time doing this but it's been good. Still, especially with work stress and kid stress and covid stress, I'm starting to wonder if carving out a slice of afternoon and/or evening time might be a good idea. It'll be a challenge, calming the mind that is, but then… that is the point of all of this. So I'll give it a shot tonight and tomorrow. Meanwhile, work was, well, ok but also continues to feel like we have some ground to recover before I can relax fully. I'll leave it at that. From a parenting standpoint I was extremely proud of myself this AM when I caught and stopped myself from saying something in response to Tommy's praise of Jen's banana bread muffins (that we bought bananas he insisted he'd eat but failed to do so as he said he would) which would have just been a pointless comment to make. It wouldn't change his failure to recognize that he might ask for something and not consume it, and it would have resulted in snark back and forth. I recognized my own role in that dynamic in the moment, a conscious awareness, and I nipped it in the bud. Lauren's back with us tonight through Wednesday PM. In the evening I sorta lost my shit in the car over Tommy's language and response to my request for something more calming than explicit-lyric rap music. It was a response I didn't catch as proactively as this mornings, but I shut it (myself) down for furthering it. And after today, he can't drive my car unless he agrees in advance that I choose and control any music, not him. I've pressed this point before and now, it's no longer an option. I think I snapped, though, because I got a call today from my cousin and learned that my aunt is in really, really bad shape. It appears she's dying, and soon. I talked to Jeri, talked to my mom afterwards too, and I'm doing all I can to keep a healthy and positive perspective on the nature of such situations as a part of life's journey, as I know Paula would appreciate and encourage.