I "forced" myself up at 6.30, enjoyed a daily calm meditation, and lingered on the sofa listening to other ~40min of podcasts with a focus on mindfulness. And I enjoyed day two of Raven coffee. I heard Tommy come out and attempted to great him with a positive approach but he was, again, sullen and terse. I let it go, slightly grateful that he would be spending the day at Extra Hour, and cooked up a nice batch of ButcherBox pork sausage and eggs, which Jen came out and helped me finish up. I took a shower and shaved, consciously recognizing that the lack of such a daily routine throughout the covid period has caused me to set appearance and hygiene a bit lower on the list of priorities than it should be. I want to get back into the routine of prior days and even get 'dressed' in more than a t-shirt and sweatpants. My hair is getting long and I'm considering letting that just go for the hell of us but I can still keep it clean while doing so. I felt pretty calm throughout the day, we made a RWC run w/Lauren and Scottie along for the ride. We dropped a couple of gifts to Marya and, when presented with a loooooong line at In n Out I checked and found that the Refuge was open and doing takeout. They'd be closed briefly earlier this year and finding out they were open resulted in our going and getting some absolute to-die-for pastrami and Swiss sandwiches. They were beyond-words-delicious. I'm so glad we went and happy to have given Lauren yet-another exposure to something so good. It was a wonderful afternoon and moment to share with them. Tommy returned later in the afternoon and continued to be negative, belittling and argumentative. It's reaching a breaking point for me, and that he loaned our nice canon lens out to a friend, leaving me without it, and has taken very clearly poor care of the camera (filthy, lens caps and batteries missing) means we're done letting him use it, period. The attitude he gave me after his friend returned the lens (I had to drive him to get it) with fingerprints on both sides of the lens, a missing polarizer and missing lens cap, after I simply pointed out their absence, was infuriating. He treats me as If it's unreasonable for me to expect my things be not loaned out and returned missing pieces. I am proud I didn't respond with the anger I felt, and instead, quietly conveyed that he'd lost my respect and trust, which he scoffed at and said he did not care. It's heartbreaking but this is how my son treats me, his mom and his sister, with complete distain and disregard. I find it crushing but my only option is to withdrawal further from extending myself or expecting anything civil or respectful to come my way. Just as it may play out in time, he may look back with more insight and appreciation, but perhaps not. I likely won't be around for it. I didn't get my walk in as planned, again, which is really disappointing. I did get more time listening to the Obama book but won't finish tonight. I did finish watching "Dick Johnson Is Dead" last night and it was very good. Touching and human. As I see my own mother struggling with memory issues I am more conscious of my own hopes for her maintaining her mental health and well being, I see that even this effort, writing nightly, is a good practice that might help me also keep some wires connected throughout the coming decades too.