Took Tommy to LGSR and practically fell asleep at Panera. Listened to some good podcasts and enjoyed the focus my efforts to reduce content and focus on a few key daily starters. My patience with him is wearing thin, though. I took him for a haircut at lunch and he hijacked me in order to see his mom but he said she eschewed his attempt at a hug because she was on the phone. I took him to practice and when I picked him up he said he'd go make nice but it turns out he was anticipating a package there, which was the reason for going. I took him driving to Nike and supported his purchases, took him to Una Mas, and he was just being a jerk. Lauren was with us and maybe that's a factor? I don't know. The constant negative responses, criticism, and such just emphasize what a fucked up job I/we did with him. Entitled and arrogant, he considers himself a pier and pushes boundaries constantly. It's infuriating. It's taken all I have to try to not react and it builds up and explodes in fury. I won't live long enough to hear him apologize or even acknowledge how unreasonable his behavior has been. He's living here with little or no constraints beyond our asking for water and food conservation, and he acts like it's unreasonable. I guess this is 'typical' with teenage males. I would not know. I watched my father and older brother go through similar situations. It's overwhelming and disheartening and I am, once again, feeling like I'm bound while being lowered into water over my head. I am emotionally thrashing, trying to manage the situation. I resent that while all this has been done for him, to help him get out of the situation he was in, he's bringing that argumentative dynamic with him. Things were going ok and I thought this was working for him until tonight.. I need a break. I need an outlet. The podcasts and mediation are not enough, drinking/drugs only mask the problem, and talking doesn't work.