There was ample drama between he and his mom, which rippled my way. My irritation with the situation was building, but once all the issues subsided I took a late lunch and ran him to the DMV to take his test. He passed! He came to my car with his certificate, proudly showed it and opened my driver's side door as an indication I was to let him drive immediately.
I have let him drive before, and he's a very good driver, but it's been at least a year+ and I've also been very VERY clear that even after getting a permit, no driving would happened if his grades were not at a certain level, and they are not. So I said "no" and his face dropped. But we left it there for the past few days.
Tonight he came for the 2nd of his 3-day span with me from Thursday through Saturday and started trying to negation some alternate terms.
I dug in my heals. I know how this goes, and I don't want there to be any 'wiggle room' on grades. So I kindly said "no" several times.
He got up in frustration and walked around the house muttering how he just wants to drive and how long he's waited and what a big deal it was to him to get this and he took off on his board.
I sat and thought for some time about it. I was going through the usual top-level positions related to being firm, digging in, holding him accountable, and more. But I started to remember being that age, getting my license, and yes having grades be a condition of driving, but maybe not on day one. Maybe it's really worth giving him a chance to celebrate and drive for a day or two.
I called him and he answered stoically as I expected. I said "I thought about some of the things you said and I realized I was being to strict. Come home, we'll go for a drive before it's dark and we can drive on Saturday too.".
He came home, still a bit irritated but definitely ready to drive, and we took off with Lauren in the back seat.
I won't lie, it was much harder than I'd anticipated. But he had a lot of build up around this. He was going too fast for my taste, maintaining less distance than I cared for and stopping far later than I am comfortable with. I know it was driving him crazy. I probably drove my dad crazy when I started driving too. But there's so much at risks. Lives. Ours and others. So I talked directly to him about some baseline starting points, speed limits, distances and such.
He wanted to do my routine "Mountain Drive" which made me cringe. But we did, with the agreement of extreme caution and of course with me sporadically pointing out possible obstacles and the continuing speed increases shortly following any time he drove too fast for me and I made him bring it back down to the limits.
When we got back, we talked and laughed and Lauren said she thought parents struggle with their kids driving because parents have driven enough to have had experience the kids have not. She was spot-on.
Tommy took a shower and Lauren and I walked Scottie and talked about her driving or not. She's not expecting she will be able to do so but she'll pursue a license anyway in case she's able to make it past the tests. She's confident that between public transit and self driving cars in the near future, she'll likely have ample options for transportation. And she's OK with that.
I'll be driving with him tomorrow, hopefully a bit less stressfully. I told him that after tomorrow the grades will block further driving but each grade brought back up will get him a day to drive and once they're all back up it'll be a more frequent option.
It was surreal sitting in the passenger seat, experiencing what they experience on the drive through the foothills and realizing that some day, just as I have and will continue to do for my mom, they may be driving me places I need help getting to. Another milestone has been reached.
I reached a milestone of my own, too. Talking honestly and sincerely with both of them about my reasoning, my change of heart and my concerns for their safety and the safety of others, and of how I will support their growth and independence. They are their own person now, and they'll be adults next year.
This is coming to another transition point. I'm trying to put myself in their shoes while still wearing my own so I might stumble and seem off balance, but I'll get the hang of it.