Woke up still feeling bad about being restrictive with Tommy and his friends. It's a bit interesting when I think broadly about my reasoning and recognize how my own youth wasn't as prohibitive so.... where'd I get so mercurial? I act more on expectation and less on heart, which is winning out more and more as time passes and I get more of my own views worked out. I re-asserted my change of heart about friends and such when dropping him off. Work was work, and Lauren came over early to make dinner. I'd arranged for it since she'd offered to make dinner and I didn't want her starting at 6.15. She made Beef Bourguignon, Lyonnaise potatoes and Crepes for dessert. It was great and fulfilled a cultural assignment for her French class to boot. Tommy was in a better mood and, interestingly, when asked why he'd moved rooms w/Lauren at Pano he shared it was to get out of the more 'depressing' room and get sunlight. I found that telling as to his home life, how he feels in the room, the sense of possible isolation that comes with seeking sanctuary from what feels overwhelming and oppressive. It's heartbreaking that he's felt so 'stuck' and my main apprehension to him being at Matson more often is the drama his doing so creates. Did a bit more driving w/Lauren, still a bit rough on the edges but I think 1/2 of that is just the intimidation of doing so. I'm going to keep working with her so she can take a simulator test with more confidence. Meanwhile, Scottie was definitely back to his old self after yesterday's odd 'off' behavior which was really nice. I'm really grateful to have the life I have with Jen, the dog, the kids, and even though I occasionally screw up, that i'm aware of that and try to rectify feels right.
