In 1979, "Supertramp" released their greatest commercial success, "Breakfast in America". I became hooked into that album and later the group through top 40 hits like "The Logical Song", "Goodbye Stranger" and "Take the Long Way Home", just like many others did. Those were the singles and on heavy rotation, but it had been an obscure, lesser known track from the 2nd side that struck a chord for me that year. A chord that's been reverberating in my psyche ever since. "Casual Conversations".
I bore witness to the end of my parent's marriage in the late 70's. It's lengthy disintegration played out in slow motion throughout the full span of my High School years. During that same time, I'd also started building out my own record collection. I routinely and increasingly immersed myself into music in my spare time. Not as a way of avoidance, at least not consciously, but out of sincere interest and enjoyment of the craft of song writing and musicianship.
At first I'd focus on the sounds and eventually, lyrics as well began to resonate. Headphones attached by a long black curled cord between the amplifier and my head, and liner notes being read while lying prone on a waterbed, that was my "happy place" in those days. I'd listen and read the sleeve in parallel, looking for tidbits of information or interest in the credits and acknowledgements, and actually listening to the words being sung as I'd read long in unison.
And this album was no exception, it came out at the peak of my having the free time to just lay back and be singled focused on the sounds, words and artwork. These particular liner notes were very creatively designed. Although subtle and simple, the inner sleeve of the album was made to look like a classic American "diner" menu, fitting perfectly into the theme of the album's title and cover art, including being the inside of the menu the waitress held on the exterior image.
When listening to this specific song, at that point in my life, and while reading the words being sung by Rick Davies, I could not help but think of my father's perspective on his own circumstances at that time. The song spoke in reflections of futility and pointlessness, an inability to please the spouse, the discounting of his intentions, it all fit so well. Because at that time, having watched it all play out, I assessed my Father's effectiveness in that position to be a hapless one. He wasn't going to win. And while the eventual attitude of the author's reluctance gave way to resignation that things were really ok, his had not yet.
Now, some 25+ years later, I face my own connections to the same song with disbursing familiarity. How could these words, ones I have for so many years, have crept up from behind and leapt into my own life experience? Now, to be fair, I can't in good conscious directly associate his experiences with mine or those of my wife with those of my mother at that time - there are parallels in the emotions but not in the specifics. Yet the song now hits nerves for my own present circumstances, while I had previously only ever associated them with his.
And perhaps my son, 12, is watching this all play out too. As did I. And perhaps he's formulating his own associations and conclusions, as did I as well. Thankfully, and quite consciously, there are significant and dramatic differences in his experiences then there were at mine. Unlike my father, I've stayed aggressively present, continuously spending evenings and weekend days together, being reassuring and positive about the change being nothing that will divide us any more then it has to this point. And i've ensured that is the case.
Age and experience certainly does change ones perspective. At 18, learning that my own parents marriage was a "shotgun" wedding was a dramatic revelation, while now I see it as something far more common then I had ever imagined. The concepts of affairs, prior marriages, unemployment, alcoholism, or other seemingly scandalous behavior as a child were considered completely inconceviable acts of the rarest nature, while now it's far easier to dismiss as something one can see happening in the right circumstances, and without any grand evil plans or actions. It's just life. Things don't always go as planned, or desired, and things can and do go awry for no other reason then it's just the nature of the odds and situations.
It doesn't matter what I say
You never listen anyway
Just don't know what you're looking for
Imagination's all I have
But ever then you say it's bad
Just can't see why we disagree
Casual conversations how they bore me
They go on and on endlessly
But no matter what I say
You ignore me anyway
I might as well talk in my sleep (I could weep)
You try to make me feel so small
Until there's nothing left at all
Why go on? Just hoping that we'll get along
There's no communication left between us
But is it me or you who's to blame?
There's nothing I can do, yes you're fading out of view
Don't know if I feel joy or pain
And now it's all been said
If you must leave then go ahead
Should feel sad
But I really believe that I'm glad
Yes I really believe that I'm glad