I turned 50 this month. That's a full half of a century (and it's not easy to find a use for the term "full half", so I have to milk it). Based on statistics, more than half of my life is behind me and less than half lies ahead. What have I done with it and where do I go from here?
I know one thing: I don't have much time left. Even if I have another 50 ahead of me, with hopefully 25 being ones of reasonable health and full control over my mental and biological functions, that's not much time. Not in the big scheme of things. Not when you step back a few generations and look at how minor the blip of our individual lives are when taken on the whole. My span is nothing in the scope of known civilization. The mark I leave feels as insignificant as a tear hitting the pavement during a monsoon.
I never used to dwell on or think about life, death, and the time between the two. I was relatively carefree, confident, and unconcerned with the eventuality of my own demise. Then I got married, and then I had kids, and then I got old. Or perhaps I just got old. Or did I get wise, which I hear comes with age. However it happened, though, I started looking ahead down a road stretching over the horizon with a much stronger awareness of the fact that the pavement will only go so far. And either at a snails pace or out of nowhere, I'll find myself at a dead end. Literally.
One of the things that has started to happen for me and that I am quite grateful about has been an increasing appreciation of life, friends, my family and my circumstances. When I think about history and all of the horrific circumstances and times I could have been born, or when i think about the geographic or political/sociological climates into which I might have been raised, I'm stunned to be able to have the opportunities I have. Including the opportunity to sit and write about something as self-absorbed as turning 50, when so many other situations might have prevented me from even making it past 5.
I have made some significant changes this past year, mentally and physically, that has helped me get into what I think is a "better place" for entering the latter half of my years. I have new ideas, priorities, and intentions for the years that lie ahead. And I have more confidence in my potential to turn these into realities and to shape my life, and the lives of my loved ones, family and friends, in ways that help promote their happiness and success as well.
I just have to turn intent into action. I have to focus, stay conscious, stay thoughtful and stay on track.
I have a challenge before me.