I've had a week filled with numerous discussions, experiences and revelations.... all of which circle back to a simple thought that keeps running through my mind. A thought about choices, commitments, fears, envy, and ultimately, the bullshit that skews and distorts reality from fantasy. Between family visiting for Thanksgiving, discussions on the meaning of life with a life-long friend, news of another acquaintance being caught by his wife in an extramarital situation, the acceleration of a major surgery for one of my children and the news that a man I don't know has been given 2 months to live, there's been plenty of cause for reflection and introspection.
Over coffee at Denny's, my longtime friend Matt and I sat and delved into envy and regrets. Interestingly, amidst my own assertions of how complex, demanding and life altering marriage and parenthood were in contrast to his own single and relatively uncommitted life, he voiced his own sense of emptiness and longing for some sense of meaning and purpose, and his envy for my circumstances.
Over Thanksgiving dinner, heavy topics arose, leading to my vehemently positioning myself against the idea of a future with religious belief's being at all acceptable in an educated and evolved society while my strong-willed and opinionated mother firmly stood her grounds on allowing for people's freedom and right to believe what they wish. And later that evening my wife, brother-in-law and I discussed the complex dilemma that one faces when trying to weight the pro and con arguments that surround politics, global warming, religion... where it's typical that one finds and adheres to stories, studies, and statements that support their own perspectives and feelings while easily dismissing the same volume of arguments or evidence that rebuke their beliefs or opinions. (I have a longer post on this topic forthcoming).
In addition to some deep thoughts being parleyed about, we were advised by a trusted physician that we'd have to start planning for back surgery for my daughter whose congenital scoliosis is worsening, an acquaintance's wife received an unexpected call from a woman her husband has been somehow involved with, and the husband of my sister-in-law was advised that his brother had two months to live before succumbing to cancer.
All these things make me think of two sides of a fence.
Contending with my daughter's imminent need to undergo complex spinal surgery pales in comparison to the thought that'd I'd ever suddenly be told I will not be around to see her through it a few months from now. There's always something worse, it seems, that could be happening. I can't imagine how one would handle news such as that. Yet as horrible as it might be to be advised that you had a limited time left, imagine having no warning, and just not making it from the office to your home. These are the thoughts that keep me up at night and make me want to continue to strive to keep things in perspective and appreciate my own good fortune. It makes me want to appreciate being on this side of the fence.
When it comes to taking sides on an environmental issue, a political party, or a religion's stance, There's usually one side or the other. Most of the people I've had substantial dialogs with tend to stand on their own side of the fence, and seldom give any consideration that there's a chance that a whole lot of fertilizer went into the soil beneath that vision of an idyllic green field. I've been guilty of doing so myself at times, and there's no doubt they've seen my side of the fence like the one built on shitty grounds. I have definitely leaped over the white picket's more than enough times to have arrived at the conclusions I have, but when there's room for doubt or a chance I might be mistaken, such as earlier this year when I was engaged in debates with family about global warming, I will check out the other side. I did willingly read and consider the nay-sayer positions in order to ensure I was not just buying into a trend that had no truth behind it. And when it comes right down to it, especially in the world of politics, who's really got time to read everything, fact check, research and validate or dismiss counterpoints, and continue ad nauseam? Who do you believe? If you just follow the party line you're a sheep, but if you try and answer and validate every contrary statement you'll never stop doing so. Those fences run in parallel lines well off into the horizon, and I honestly don't know that anybody could vault over them and even reach the end of some of these more complex and diversely divided segments of our society.
Returning back to my friend and our conversation, and the reference to an acquaintance's compromising position being revealed; it's amazing to stop and think about how one man's struggles appear to be another's salvation, and also how people that leap over a fence in an effort to fulfill some need, validate themselves, or just find something exciting in their staid daily routines, also find that the mirage of greener grass gives way to the slippery slope of cow patties and methane beneath the illusion.