In the interest of a laugh, i'm gonna take things down a level, maybe two or three actually... i'm gonna do some bathroom humor.. i'll try to return to higher class posts, political rants, obscure observations and personal reminiscence shortly.
Yesterday, I observed what I like to refer to as a 'shit-n-run' incident in one of the office bathrooms, where a 'visitor' exited a stall and then the restroom with nary a moments pause at the sink along the way. And earlier that same day there was evidence of a, uh, 'log jam' in one of the facilities as well. This has made me pause and reflect on my own phobias, habits and practices in respect to usage of the office, and pretty much any public, lavatories. My own obsessive - compusive nature requires some guidelines and routines in various situations one may encounter, including restroom usage. And I expect you are either equally aware and conscious of these points as well, or if not, you'll not be able to enter a facility again without at least one of these edicts coming to mind. So without any further fanfare, here are the key points and practices I recommend one consider at the workplace:
- Always use a stall, regardless of the need to sit or stand. Why? In a nutshell, when walking up besides somebody standing at a urinal in an open space only 18 inches away, I've taken one too many unexpected bites from their freshly baked air-bisquit, and this seems the most effective way to avoid an involuntary intake.
- Ensure that there is an ample supply of paper available to you prior to engaging in any functions that might prohibit you from moving to another stall. And don't make the mistake of including a tattered news paper left by a prior occupant as an option. (Unless the section happens to contain a photo and story about our president or a 'crap artist', at which point, it's all about freedom of expression from there on).
- When at the office and wearing a badge on a belt loop, always check it's orientation when you're about to be in the seated position for any duration of time, and turn the name and photo side towards yourself. You'd rather not be recognized later by the guy that sat in the stall next to you during an extended acoustic performance.
- Always stand, buckle, and prepare to leave before flushing. Anybody's that ever had to scramble from an overflowing bowl with their pants around their ankles can understand this one.
- ALWAYS wash your hands before leaving. There's nothing more disgusting then when you observe a co-worker who's hands you've shaken or high-fived in the past, or who's passed you a soda or drinking cup recently, beeline from the stall to the door without pausing to cleanse. Eck.