I stopped at Peets this week, after dropping the kids off at a nearby class they attend, and as I parked the car to the side of the entrance, I saw the telltale signs of somebody about to ask me for spare change. There was a shopping cart filled with belongings and covered with a tarp, behind which protruded a set of legs wearing tattered shoes.
I was in a rush (when am I not these days) and I'd already opted to put my Peets gift card in my pocket in lieu of carrying in my entire wallet. So when I walked passed him I didn't have any cash on hand in the first place.
From beneath a weathered, broad-rimmed hat and behind a think and tattered white beard, came the voice from the bench, "Do you have any spare change, sir?"
On the way to the door I'd already relived more then one experience i've had which, in turn, has pretty much solidified my views and committed me to never, ever, ever giving money to any of these guys. I've been asked for spare change for years and years now, and I just don't do it. I don't promote it. I don't agree with it. I don't buy into it and I don't sympathize with it. I also don't believe the guys standing at the stoplights have any interest in finding work or improving their circumstances. They want a drink. Then want a fix. They want money for nothing. I have much more empathy and respect for the men that linger outside of HomeDepot, willing to put in time and effort, then I do for somebody sitting on their ass and looking for a hand out.
I probably just lost about half of you with that harsh statement, but it's how I feel.
Yet today, after politely saying I had no cash on me (which was true), while standing in line to order my coffee... I weakened at the coffee counter. I gave into the mythical magical vision that this guy, this one guy, might be the one really in need of just a little help.
As I said before, I won't give out money, as I am completely convinced it does not go towards rectifying the situation, it encourages a lack of action and/or goes towards the purchase of something that keeps them in their circumstances. But I did think, naively, that the gesture of taking him a scone or baked item would be something he'd appreciate. Even if he was not hungry at that moment, it'd be lunch for later, or dinner, or in a pinch, something he'd try and grind up and smoke back behind the dumpster. Whatever the case, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and just extend a kind hand.
So I bought a scone, walked back out the door and up to him, extended the bag with a smile on my face, and said "Would you like a scone"?
And here's yet another nail in the coffin of my ever extending generosity to somebody "on the street".
The guy grimaced in clear disgust and frustration and blurted out "I don't need food! I'm not hungry!!". Then he seemed to hesitate and try to throw an alternate angle out, perhaps expecting that a creased $20 in my pocket might land in his ratty, bitter hand. "I'm just trying to get money for, um.... um... um.... a haircut". Yes, he actually did stammer through a series of 3 'ums' before landing on the plausible 'haircut' excuse. And his delivery was still one of exasperation, as if he'd encountered numerous others that morning that were unwilling to get him the cash he wanted, but tried in vain to extend a sincerely helping hand without supporting his habit.
What a crock.
I just said "right... I hear you" and when back inside. As I glanced back I saw him rise from the bench and push away his cart, perhaps in search of a location closer to an ATM or further from a business that deals with fast-transactions that draw debit card usage like a coffee shop.
This is how I see it: There's addicts and mentally unstable folks out there, and they are human beings that need some compassion and kindness. I think giving them cash only sends a signal that trying to better themselves, seeking help through shelters and agencies that are in place to aid them, is not a productive act. I know, I know, I sound like Scrooge here, but I'm not. I or my wife have given food to somebody on the street and in most cases it's been accepted and appreciated. I do empathize with somebody sleeping on street and going hungry, even though I strongly suspect that they could have bought the food with the money they instead spent on the addiction. But I also know that they're not 'well'. I get it. I just don't care to support it directly by funding it. And every time I see somebody drive by a guy standing with a sign at a turn signal and pass off a bill or two as they cruise past them, I groan to myself with the expectation that as long as that works, they'll continue to increase.
Perhaps it's narrow minded, but that's how I feel. And perhaps, because there are people out there willing to perpetuate this situation by rewarding them, I don't get mugged. I don't know... I'm sure there's a larger picture here, but when I see people who make every effort to find work in any fashion, I respect their efforts. And when I see somebody on a sidewalk bench just soliciting each individual, reeking of alcohol and weeks without bathing, I can't help but think that they're able to get enough money to put towards getting out of the dilemma, but do not.
Just my 2 cents. I'm sure I'll hear from a liberal or two offline. :-)
