Today is the birthdate of my wife's late Father, Thomas Patterson. He passed away 8 years ago, quite suddenly and unexpectedly, just months before our wedding. The impact resonates with my wife to this day, as it does throughout her family. He left a strong, lasting and extremely positive impression on each of their lives.
I also learned this week that somebody I knew many years back had passed away. He worked at Apple, as did I, and an internal transfer landed me in a roll in a team under his supervision. And although his passing does not represent a 'personal' loss for me in any direct sense, these deaths hit nerves worth recognizing and acknowledging.
I've been fortunate to, with the exception of my Father, not have anybody intimately close to me die. That's not a fortune I have any illusions about. That card will be dealt. With rare exception, the painful truth is that we don't get to see the stopwatch too far in advance of it's running out, for our own demise as well as that of somebody we love and treasure.
I don't think about this near enough. If I did, i'd definitely live my life to it's fullest, not be as inclined to be sidetracked by 'the little stuff', and make my loved ones aware that they are.
I had pause to think about this on the way to work, and I took the time to glance around at all the other bodies in all the other cars all around me. It's so easy to be lost in the momentum of daily life and to be completely detached from the awareness that every other person around you is in their own momentum, with their own concerns, demands, desires, joys and despair.
So when I signaled to merge right, only to have the driver of the car behind me and to the right accelerate to close the space and ensure that my entry was not in front of them, it would have been easy to feel slighted and offended. But not today. In the big scope of things, responding with an aggressive gesture or angry feelings only takes away from me, and most certainly does not change them.
It's hard to see the picture when you're inside the frame. And taking a moment to reflect on the fact that the time we have is not only limited, it is also random, makes me a little more conscious about how i react to my surroundings and how I interact with those around me.
I dread the thought that somebody i really care about, somebody who's effected my life and left a lasting impression, would die without knowing that. I wish it were easier for me to be more sincere and emotionally expressive with my friends. I can do so with immediate family. I called my wife to tell her I loved her when I heard about the coworker, and took a moment to let her know today that I could relate to her sorrow over the loss of her father so many years ago. And I can express deeper feelings in the security of non-confrontational writing on this blog. But due to social pressure, insecurities, conditioning or lack of confidence, taking the time to really express the love and appreciation I have for my friends has never been a strong suit. But I do try.
There are so many people that have been and remain important to me, and they are the people who's passing would be painful and a sincere loss. Clearly, this means my immediate family, my wife, my children, my mother. And my friends, those I see frequentl, those that I have random contact with, and those I have no contact with at all these days. They all remain precious and valued to me and I respect and appreciate how much they've all brought to my life.
On my drive to work, while all this was running through my head, the random selection of music i was listening to on my Treo switched to the following song, and i listened repeatedly, comforted in the recognition that i was not alone in my thoughts.
Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize - we're floating in space
Do You Realize - that happiness makes you cry
Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round
The Flaming Lips : Do You Realize
